Continuing the journey of applying Dragos Roua's 100 Ways to Live a Better Life to my life. Number 2: Accept Your Friends Mistakes. Dragos says: Maybe you got hurt by somebody. Happens. Just accept it and deal with it. People are making mistakes and if you can accept that for yourself, accept it for your friends too. In the end, all you need from them is their love.
It has taken me a few days to get to this post because I've had to do a lot of thinking about this recommendation. Here's why.
One of the traits I've had to work on my whole life is that I'm an "avoider". I think my parents were really successful in training me to avoid fights rather than get into them. The "bigger person" is the one who walks away must have really stuck with me because that has been my prefered strategy all my life.
Now, there are times when that is ok, even a good thing. But avoiding is not usually the best approach when it comes to mistakes - whether they are made by friends or employees. Avoiding means the mistake is never used as a teachable moment. It means that wounds are left open when they might be easily closed. It means that there is an unsettled sense of dissatisfaction underlying your relationship.
So I'm translating Dragos #2 to say "Accept, but don't avoid, your friends mistakes." My plan is to be mindful of my own actions and to be sure I confront mistakes and accept them. That way the opportunity to make those mistakes will not only benefit my friends it will benefit me.
Showing posts with label mistakes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mistakes. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
1. Accept Your Mistakes
Beginning the journey of applying Dragos Roua's 100 Ways to Live a Better Life to my life. Number 1: Accept Your Mistakes. Dragos says:
You’re human. We, humans, are making mistakes. Accept what you did wrong and try to do better next time. No need to punish yourself forever. In fact, accepting your mistakes is the only way to make them disappear.
Mike King had a really good post on Leadership:Accepting Mistakes in January. I like his use of the quote "Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom." (Phyllis Therous) Mike also includes a couple really great lists that make his ideas easy to apply.
I'm of an age where I've had the opportunity to learn from lots of mistakes. I don't feel wise yet...more like I'm still on the bridge. I do want to share the one mistake I made that might help others the most.
My post before last was about trust, and it is interesting what role trust played in my mistake. As one more step in living up to Item 1. I'm even going to give you a link to the New York Times version of what happened. I was senior vice president at a charity that was hit with a multi-million dollar embezzlement. I could argue about where the responsibility lay for the theft but I'd rather point out how you might prevent it in your organization.
The person who engaged in the theft had been with the company for 20 years. That's where trust came in. It was not possible for us to imagine that she would steal from us. The result was that no one was watching closely enough. Procedures were unassigned or slipping. Simple safeguards weren't in place. Advisors weren't making sure that we understood their recommendations and weren't being persistent in demanding that we address them.
The point is that this could happen anywhere. We think of embezzlers as creative but the more I learned about the crime the more I came to realize that they are just opportunists. Accounting procedures work - if you follow them. But laxness is born of comfort and comfort is born of trust.
So I learned. I learned that the gravest danger to any business is in the smallest details. I work hard now to see that they are attended to. But I still miss some. Mistakes are always out there. Use mine if you can to avoid yours.
You’re human. We, humans, are making mistakes. Accept what you did wrong and try to do better next time. No need to punish yourself forever. In fact, accepting your mistakes is the only way to make them disappear.
Mike King had a really good post on Leadership:Accepting Mistakes in January. I like his use of the quote "Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom." (Phyllis Therous) Mike also includes a couple really great lists that make his ideas easy to apply.
I'm of an age where I've had the opportunity to learn from lots of mistakes. I don't feel wise yet...more like I'm still on the bridge. I do want to share the one mistake I made that might help others the most.
My post before last was about trust, and it is interesting what role trust played in my mistake. As one more step in living up to Item 1. I'm even going to give you a link to the New York Times version of what happened. I was senior vice president at a charity that was hit with a multi-million dollar embezzlement. I could argue about where the responsibility lay for the theft but I'd rather point out how you might prevent it in your organization.
The person who engaged in the theft had been with the company for 20 years. That's where trust came in. It was not possible for us to imagine that she would steal from us. The result was that no one was watching closely enough. Procedures were unassigned or slipping. Simple safeguards weren't in place. Advisors weren't making sure that we understood their recommendations and weren't being persistent in demanding that we address them.
The point is that this could happen anywhere. We think of embezzlers as creative but the more I learned about the crime the more I came to realize that they are just opportunists. Accounting procedures work - if you follow them. But laxness is born of comfort and comfort is born of trust.
So I learned. I learned that the gravest danger to any business is in the smallest details. I work hard now to see that they are attended to. But I still miss some. Mistakes are always out there. Use mine if you can to avoid yours.
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