Trust Takes Time

Trust is a hot topic right now...considering the release of Trust Agents by Chris Brogan and Julien Smith. While I'm waiting for my copy of the book I've been thinking about trust. The funny thing is...when I think about trust I think about Charlie.

My wife and I have had Charlie for three years. He was four when we adopted him from a rescue organization. Charlie is a mix between a King Charles Cavelier Spaniel and a Daschund. About twenty five pounds, short stubby legs and snout more pointy than stubbed. Charlie had been left tied outside a Humane Society office in another part of the state. He was being fostered. He had no hair from the middle of his abdomen and back to the tip of his tail. He had rubbed and chewed it all off because he had such bad allergies. If anyone tried to touch him around his tail he erupted into a violent, mean chorus of attack barks. He could scare you out of your skin at a moments notice when you thought you were just petting him. The only good thing was he seemed to recognize that people were trying to help him and he never sunk his teeth into anyone.

As we cared for Charlie and became more and more in love with him it became obvious to us that he had been abused. He would cower even when you brought your hand toward him to pet him or with a treat. I'd say he was probably at the end of his trust scale. Our first success was in getting him to allow the cats to live with him. We have two. One is a little ten pound tabby whom Charlie seems to have taken as his own. The other is a 20 pound siamese who Charlie still gives a wide berth too - but who he only occasionally chases. Throughout this entire process we were working on healing his raw skin. After the first year or so he actually looked like a healthy dog with hair covering all his body. He still had allergies that had to be treated but at least most of the year they don't dominate his life.

As time went on we became more comfortable with each other and it became more and more possible to see Charlie's trust. At first there were still times when you could see old memories come back as he went off like an explosion when he got touched somewhere he didn't like. Then slowly, first my wife, and now even I, got to where we could touch him anywhere and where we could nuzzle his face without feeling concerned that he might bite us. We grew in trust together!

Now that it has been three years, things are pretty settled. Charlie still cowers a little when a hand comes toward him but he recovers quickly and often comes for rubs. My wife and I on the other hand aren't afraid to have a little "doggy fun" with him, rolling him around and "teasing" him a bit. It has become a trusting relationship and now we can build on it for the rest of our time together.

So that's how I think about trust with people too. It's not easy. It takes work and it takes time and we have to put ourselves out there sometimes even when they are gruf and growley.  But if we do, and we give it time, we will end up with a relationship that will serve us well for a long long time.